PRESCRIPTION DRUG MASSACRE

422K Americans are suffering from the unregistered side effects from prescription drugs.

Some building collapsed at the corner of 24th and Hennepin right by the Alt. The crowds were gathered and the fire department was present. Books and knickknacks and a sofa littered the sidewalk.

I rented Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator, and Beyond Re-Animator. The ending video proclaimed that the viewer should “re-animate your feet” and broke into sick Ricky Martin techno.

Took the garbage out and some guy was digging through the dumpster. His shopping cart was parked next to him. “Here’s another one for you,” I said. He was oblivious to me. I was guilty parasite. I smoked one and cracked open a Cherry Coke. Sat on my comfy sofa and watched AFL.

I had a crazy dream where this bald guy and me were in farmhouse trying to make veggie soup, zombies show up and we fight them off using a giant letter ‘A’.

She’s playing Kingdom Hearts on PS2.

Bored with the USA:

1 in 4 Korean-Americans own their own business.

There’s a Women’s Football League based out of New York City.

Who would you rather be? Superman or Clark Kent?

“Shegania!” Means “blast off” in Russian.

My girlfriend is obsessed with Barbara Bach’s dress in The Spy Who Loved Me.

March, in like a lamb, out like a lion.

Watching all the Bond films in a row. Just hit Moonraker, the franchises response to Star Wars. A failed attempt at blending the secret agent action pic with science fiction.

Critters marathon Sunday. Critters, C2: The Main Course, C3: You Are What They Eat, and C4: They’re Invading You’re Space. The only highlight is a co-starring role for Leo DiCaprio at age sperm in part three. Otherwise crappity crap crap.

New Warcrafts:

Airborne Laser Weapons, planes that shoot beams of chemical oxygen-iodine in the size of a basketball through the skin of enemy missiles along a 1.3 micron wavelength. A fleet of seven is in constant orbit around the world protecting the US from multiple targeting scenarios.

By 2013, we’ll be using electromagnetic launchers to fly planes from aircraft carriers.

Active Denial Technology fires bursts of electromagnetic energy penetrating the skin to 1/64th of an inch, making recipients feel a brief burst of 130 degree temps—like a lightbulb. Clothing would be preserved. Active use—2009.

Microorganisms that quickly corrode metal, lubricants, roads to be deployed in the form of a bomb or missile.

But nothing compares to Ritalin. We’ll destroy the youth before we let those damn commies bomb us with one a them weapons.

THE AFL ON NBC

Nov. 13, 1892 – William “Pudge” Heffelfinger, star guard for Yale’s football team, gets paid $500 and $25 for expenses, to play with the Allegheny Athletic Association against the Pittsburgh Athletic Club. Professional football is born.

June 8, 1966 – the National Football League merges with the American Football League, effectively creating a monopoly on U.S. professional football.

Today – the Arena Football League gives way to a new type of sport, a faster version of the old game.

With the famed support of owners like John Elway, Mike Ditka, and Jon Bon Jovi, in the last year, the AFL has gone from an underground novelty to a post-NFL season standard. The AFL on NBC has become a new phenomena.

Both squads feature 8 man teams playing hard, fast paced games across 50 yards of turf. There’s no out-of-bounds zone, just a hard wall. And if the game couldn’t get any harder, a mere 9 yards of upright space awaits the kicker for the inevitable fourth down field goal chance.

AFL is an aerial amazement, the veterans and young pups take to the air on their path to the end zone, all the while, committing plays the NFL would never chance.

As Blink-182 and the Crue blasted away in the background, I watched Sunday’s game between the Colorado Crush and the Orlando Predators epitomize the sport.

The cheerleaders T&A was exemplified as Orlando’s Corey Fleming (a player altogether good enough for the NFL) jumped and spiraled his way into the U.S. Army Iron Man of the Game award.

The success of the AFL on NBC lies in the advertising. A consistent barrage of Bud, Netscape, All State, etc. between commercial breaks, on the sidelines of the field and on the player’s jerseys.

If you are one of the many weary fans of the NFL, too scared to give a newcomer a try, than you are a fool. The AFL on NBC has come. And we’ve finally arrived.

UBERYEAR

Forget morals and enter the post-post-modern utopia of capitalist extravaganzas. Truth, fear, and distrust accompany bloodlust and carnage in a tax class festival of consumerism and privatization, specialization and globalization. Trends hit, fade, and resurge before the end of the work week. And as I plug myself into the online hypnotic, financial stigma, and working class heroics, my paranois grips hold and flings me back to the past in nothing so stylish as a DeLorian, but a bottle of Jack Daniels and a rolled up cig made of the finest tobaccos in Holland. My next shot of Jag is on the way and the demonic music just won’t stop, grinding its euro-trance garage pulse to a screeching climax day after day, week after week. Now it’s time for condensed tomato soup and processed cheese slice on bread. Fit for any Amerikan, I’ll wash it down with flavored sugar powder and water. Num.

Welcome to 2005.