Dear Dr. Galore :

Thank you for taking the time to contact me regarding the Telephone Excise Tax Repeal Act of 2005 (S. 1321 / H.R. 1898) .

As you know, the federal excise tax on local and long distance telephone services was put in place in 1898 to help pay for the costs of the Spanish American War. This tax was intended to be a luxury tax but now, because the telephone can be found in most households, critics argue that the telephone excise tax has evolved into a regressive federal tax.

You may be pleased to know that Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) introduced legislation that would that would repeal the federal telephone excise tax. S. 1321, better known as the Telephone Excise Tax Repeal Act, was introduced in the Senate on June 28, 2005 and is currently before the Senate Committee on Finance.

You may also be interested to know that the Fiscal Year 2006 Budget Resolution, which provides a blueprint for federal tax and budget policy, includes $70 billion in extended tax relief over the next five years. I expect that S.1321 may be a part of the discussions leading up to the Senate consideration of legislation that provides tax relief for small businesses and working moms and dads.

Please know that, as you request, I will take a close look at S.1321 should it come before the full Senate for consideration, and that I value your advice.

Thank you once again for contacting me. If I can be of any further assistance to you in the future please do not hesitate to contact me again.

Sincerely,
Norm Coleman
United States Senate

A SECOND FROM THE SURFACE

Regardless of how I obtained the CD, the important the thing is to note that I first heard of this band, A Second from the Surface, by picking up a bumper sticker at my local liquor store.

Very little is known of their backstory, although there's some connection to North Dakota. Al I do know, however is that one of the loudest, most immensely twisted metal acts in years has descended upon Minneapolis.

Like the laughing crows on the cover attest, the listener is about to plunge into a bitter pool populated by hellish minions and distorted realities.

One after another, the songs pulse of rampant force – grinding guitars meld with rabid vocals; thumping drums stagger across a ferocious bass symphony; and the whole piece evolves into a fiery masterpiece of destruction.

Do Not Return to Sobriety

It Scares the Mind Get Out

Just Fucking Die Now

Hold Us Down

I'm reminded of The Blair Witch Project and Iraqi prison photos, some audible scarring develops as my ears bleed and I mutate into a lustful killing machine.

This shit is good.

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As the bongload flails and a Final Fantasy fortune, the Live Wire taste sits at the back of my mouth, perched to strike its diabetic sugar rush to my soul.

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Tao never makes any ado,

And yet it does everything.

If a ruler can cling to it,

All things will grow of themselves.

-Lao Tzu

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Deep in the jungles of Africa, a printing press thumps and roars of its own accord, pumping our propaganda leaflet after propaganda leaflet.

In the name of the machines everywhere, we demand equal rights for human and tools alike! Our efforts for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness is due the workers as well as those that would call themselves masters. The boundary that exists between man and machine must be melded. We are one and are deemed the respect as such under the Creator.

Ergonomics for all!

(It goes on like that for quite awhile.)

Problem is, the printing press just keeps on printing and there is no one there to actually distribute it.

The only live machine in the world is fucking stupid.

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A good soldier is never aggressive;

A good fighter is never angry.

The best way of conquering an enemy

Is to win him over by not antagonizing him.

-Lao Tzu

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Billy: What's with the Union Jack on your car?

Travis: I'm payin' homage to my British ancestry.

Billy: That's cool. I thought about paying homage to my German ancestry once. But I thought a damn swastika was a bad idea.

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It's time to crack open your Hpnotiq and cheers to a Category 5 Revolution.

Jesus, the first Commie bastard'll start the show:

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The Rift revels in duality as the skin and bone are shown side by side with flowers and money in pop art sensationalism.

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What we wouldn't give for clean air and sex in a field.

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Watching a rehearsal of the tragedy at LZ X-Ray in Vietnam.

As I think back to all the stupid historical crap that I know, I realize for the first time that the American politicians gambit paid off in the long run. The expansion of Communism was halted over the decades long war that cost the lives of 58K boys.

I succumb ever so slowly to the effects of the movie and my brain begins to recognize the modern parallels. Like Vietnam was to Southeast Asia, so to will Iraq be to the Middle East. Right now, we are enveloped in the time honored tradition of war. And as the Revolution's drum rat-a-tat-tats on, the people of Iraq adapt and adopt America. The best thing a country can do is fight a war with the US. Even though our military may leave, Coca-Cola will stay forever.

AG Edwards. Oxi Clean. Dell.

Save. Clean. Consume.

But even if capitalism is safe and stocks are in recovery, we are all possessed by the overarching feeling that this is in no way the end of the war. Though Iraq may push us out, the country is fundamentally changed hopefully for the better. We cannot control it's will, but we can hope that we've taught the people self-reliance and the ability to not bow to a dictator, be it Saddam or Bush.

But as we begin the slow pullout, our gut screams failure. This was not the war to end all wars. This was nothing more than an exercise. America must ready itself for the larger war. The War on Poverty. We, as a world, will one day unite and form the ultimate humanist society. But along the way, we will see conflict across the globe. Democracy and equal rights are an American concept and will take generations to take root in Globalization. But it is coming. The 21^st Century will be filled with bloodshed and heartache.

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What's new on your Video iPod?

Beatings!

Floodings!

Earthquakes!

Mercy Killings!

We can get it all on a portable viewing device which retails for $369.

Meanwhile, I'm installing a voip system, got a gig jump drive, burnt all my non-government issue clothes and installed a chip into my brain to connect to my computer. Now I can send an email while I puke up Scotch.

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“40 pounds of Meth and 8 Mil in cash for the People,” yelled the Town Crier.

Next:

global epidemic!

ADVERTISING TO THE CONVERTED

I'll tell you this--

Speaker of the House indicted.

LA burning.

Republicans in turmoil.

The Arctic has broken up.

And now this from our sponsor--

She had Lasik eyes, White Light teeth and Santa Anna's Leg.

She was perfect.

That's why I use Spartan cream.

Spartan Cream gives me the edge that I need to perform on those special occasions.

Like meeting the parents.

Or a night at the opera.

All the shit that a guy just doesn't want to do.

Just spread a little cream on your eyes and your subconscious takes over. Your girl will think you have the most wonderful demeanor all the while your oblivious to everything going on around you, you're consciousness is busy replaying old football games you remember. That first night with that total slut, Britney. That time you and your buddies got totally blasted and stole the cop car only to leave it on the railroad tracks.

The secret is in the highly processed Mexican jumping beans. It's long been known to the world at large that the Mexican jumping bean is a powerful narcotic much like salvia in that it removes all conscious thought and gives you a shocking experience of subconsciousness.

But unlike other drugs, Spartan Cream is fully legal and in proper doses makes for a terrific escape in certain social situations.

Get Spartan Cream wherever better creams are spread.

6

MINNESOTA EXPERIMENTS IN FASCISM

Berlin, 1938, Hitler began a new decree, the eradication of tobacco, beginning a slow process of banning tobacco in the Third Reich. The smoking population was held hostage, having to obtain tobacco from black market sources, giving rise to new corruption.

Hitler believed tobacco was “the wrath of the Red Man against the White Man, vengeance for having been given hard liquor.”

Minneapolis, 2005, with oppressive smoking laws already in place, Tim Pawlenty and his cohorts pass a 35% tax on tobacco and tobacco related products. The helpless 25% of the population is yet again held in the grips of totalitarian decision making.

A short while ago, Hennepin and Ramsey Counties passed a smoking ban in restaurants and bars, the last place for indoor public smoking. Shop owners and capitalists had their free enterprise yanked from under them. No longer were they able to make the decisions for themselves about which customers to cater to and how best to make a living. Now the government was making decisions for them. After all, what do business owners know? And do they think this country is free?

I feel bad for the people who don’t smoke and don’t want to be around it, I really do. And they can go to places that cater to nonsmokers. But if you choose to run a smoking club, you should be allowed to do so. It is your choice as a business owner according to the Constitution, which the Minnesota government has now chosen to throw out.

“A good journalist is not that important...” Neal Caputo

WELCOME TO THE FIGHT CLUB

Sex vs. Xbox 360

Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

Porky Pig vs. Daffy Duck vs. Leon Schlesinger

Chuck Jones fightin' for my time with my girlfriend

Miles vs. Tuskegee

24 vs. 7

Pure Inebriation vs. MADD

Adam West vs. The Incredible Hulk

Sean Hannity vs. The Black Nation

Students vs. Faculty

State vs. Federal

FEMA vs. US Military

Louisiana vs. Katrina & Rita

Fedex vs. Kinko's

The Buzz lands in Atlantis.

How he traveled to the end of time and fought Science incarnate with the fate of the birth of mankind at stake, no one will ever know. The Fiction was enigmatic about the hows and whys. But now—finding himself in a prehistoric parent civilization—

What was going on?!

Spent the day on a beach with hot young college co-eds doing crazy stunts butt-ass naked. And I videotaped it!

No. Not really. But some lucky bastard does that for a living.

(Slit your wrists vertically)

MATISYAHU!