FREE MODERN PROGRAMS FOR THE VERY CHEAP MODERN MAN

Travel beyond the wildest dreams of freeware into the triumvirate of necessary programs to overtake the corrupt powers-that-be. Mozilla, OpenOffice, and the Gimp. The coolest programs of the past year or two. These are programs every self-respecting loser surrendering himself to the grasp of the computer must procure. Why pay for constantly updating programs that do the same thing and cost you hundreds of dollars. Why let Adobe and Microsoft run you're life to such a degree that you might as well be advertising for them on your forehead.

But, Mr. Galore, is this not an advertisement for your so-called “triumvirate of necessary programs?” Why no, not at all. Why would I parade these most amazing exploitations of commercialism around like some fucked up trolley in Mr. Roger's Neighborhood? That would make me a sellout, no. Or maybe I've bought in. Yeah, that's it. Bought in. Mozilla's bought and sold me something like a dozen frankenputers ago.

With the Wild West of the internet collapsing under fear, persecution and the extinction of the buffalo. These programs are the last vestige of freedom. Electronic Manifest Destiny has brought us to the socialization of computer use. These programs have no longer become a want, but a need in modern society. And with all the cost present with just existing in modern America, some exercise in communism must be adopted. If we're ever to get out from under the thumb of the tyrant, Fuhrer Gates, we'll have to support this true freeware. Remove Microsoft from your computer and build the first true interspanning operating system on the planet. THE operating system. A mass link of digitized madness free for the worker.

Cinco De Mayo

Drench myself in blustering amounts of Modelo and Two Fingers Tequila.

May 5 is the anniversary of the Battle of Puebla in 1862 where Mexican troops fought the narcissistic Emperor Napolean III and forever freed North America from French influence. The holiday is best celebrated by every American as a day to get wasted. Wasted and do one thing.

Watch Trek.

I've recently rediscovered Trek, much like I rediscover much of my youth with drastically overwhelming regularity.

It first began a couple years ago, as I sat, drunk out of my mind, watching a boxed set of DS9 Season 3 at my friend's house. Ah, the good ol' days, I thought. Before the movies had run their course and Enterprise polluted the timeline.

Then came TNG on Spike. As I was blown away by Spike, I was even more turned on by the overwhelming barrage the network promoted Next Gen. Every day 3 to 4 hours. Some days 5! Damn near a quarter of the airtime was devoted to one measly show. Albeit, the best show ever.

Commercials rocked the screen and little ads blurbed across the bottom, portraying Picard and Co. as the baddest, most hardass space explorers ever. Kirk, who?

I garnered new affection, burnt every damn movie onto DVD and fell in love with the documentaries on StarTrek.com and downloaded tons of episodes on P2Ps.

But then came 2.0. Completely destroying the former love of simply watching the episodes, I was now a part of everything. I took part in the great experiment, to adapt ancient television to the future of mankind. I adopted a persona, Galore 187, motha fucka! And hardcored my ass onto the screen with the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. James TIBERIOUS Kirk! Hells yeah.

I bought into the SpockMarket. Bought low, made a million Federation Credits.

And to top everything off, the tally of Uhura undie shots just keeps on risen.

And that's where I find myself tonite, watchin' the show and chatting with the droves of Star Trek connoisseurs. Boldly going where no one has gone before.

And getting tanked doin' it.

Vive Cinco De Mayo!

Coca-Cola Advertising in Cocaine

Most people in America take their carbonated sugar water for granted, but on college campuses nationwide, a union of activists have sprouted up, demanding Coca-Cola Bottling Company respond to allegations that the use of paramilitary guerrillas in Columbia and their practices in general must be halted.

Recently, NYC Councilman Hiram Monserrate took a 10 day trip to Columbia and discovered at least 179 human rights violations, including 9 murders by the Coca-Cola Bottling Co.

In India, the Coca-Cola Co. has essentially destroyed the ecosystem of some areas in order to better sell its product, selling toxic sludge to farmers as fertilizer and bottling contaminated water, leaving vast amounts of Indians dehydrated and poisoned.

The United Steel Workers Association has filed suit against Coca-Cola regarding their practices for the simple motivation of economics. If Coke continues its practices, the bottling company will face harsh responses from the international community, leaving many American workers without a job, or indeed Time Magazine's Product of the Century without many buyers. This would be remarkably bad for the United States and our control over worldwide soda-pop demand.

While avoiding Coke products in general is almost impossible, what will Powerade and Dasani, any true American revolutionary knows when its time to step up and this Atlanta, GA company must respond to these allegations. No red-blooded American should stand for this type of disgrace. We represent the best of the world and in no way should this all-powerful sugar water company destroy the good graces we have set out upon the world.

I recommend doing what you can to avoid Coca-Cola products, boycott the venues that sell them and make a stand the best way we Americans know how—with our pocketbook.

Say NO to Coke.

As you were.